~Overwhelmed
~Exhausted
~Emotional
Just a few of the things I am feeling today. I am probably PMSing but it doesn't really matter if I am because the feelings are there and real. I posted on my other blog how I was feeling about going shopping. It was posted as a joke, but it really shook me up because it is so not like me. I spoke to me counselor about it. Yes, I see a counselor. I think everyone should see one sometime in their lives. The trick is finding one you click with. I have been seeing Cindy for 5 years now. She knows me well and has been there through it all with me. But I digress... She says it is good that I have gotten back on an anti-depressant. That it sounds like I am going through a little depression right now (forever). That what I experienced, actual anxiety about going in public, points toward it. I have been taking them for about 10 days and I am not really feeling any different. It is a new one that I never taken before so I may have to find another one.
I am just so overwhelmed with caring for two 3 month olds. And I am bummed that I am so overwhelmed by it. I mean, I handled a classroom full of students at a time with excellent results and I can't handle 2 of my own (I mean, I do it, but I struggle because I want to do it more efficiantly and without needing so much extra help). I worked in daycare where I cared for more than 2 at a time and now I am having such a hard time. Most of it is a lack of rest. I get maybe 3 hours of sleep at any one stretch for a total of maybe 5 or 6 hours a night. Since my body is still recovering from pregnancy and surgery and the whole congestive heart thing, I am so so tired all the time. I also have a mild case of arthritis that causes my body fatigue.
I know that they need play time throughout the day, but I just find myself putting them into the swing, bouncer, under their play gym, under their mobile, or something like this for play time. I know I need to be right in their face with toys and books keeping them engaged. They will sleep better at night for it, but I find myself just wanting them to sleep, so I can get a moment of peace myself.
I feel so inadequate :sigh:
2 comments:
Do you know what you sound like??
You sound remarkably like every other mom in the world sweetie. You have it harder, no doubt, then a mom of a singleton. But you are not doing anything or even feeling anything different than any of us have.
Please, I love you and don't want you to beat yourself up like this. Your tired, overwhelmed and emotional - but you have to know, in one part of your brain, that this is not the way it will always be. You have Z. You know how rewarding it is to be past the infant stages, then the toddler stages. You know this.
So feel exhausted and let them entertain themselves if that's what you need. There is nothing wrong with that Sara. You need to take care of Sara too, not just Abigail and Olivia. Or you'll be no good to them and we cant have that.
So feel this big {{HUG}} I am sending to you and no that YOU WILL BE OK.
Love you!!
I think you are doing a fabulous job! The difference between a classroom of kids and 2 babies, is that those babies ARE YOURS. You have a vested interest and for them that (and it's true)you don't have with your class. With your own children, the feelings run deeper and you often have an overwhelming compulsion to show perfection with them.
You are doing fine!
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